Green Llama

The sale of Jack of All Blogs was announced this past Tuesday, May 30th, 2006. We haven’t heard anything on who purchased the blog, or any posts from the new person yet. Apparently the previous owner is big on snarkiness. Whatever the crap that is. All these newfangled words still have [...]

For those of you who haven’t noticed ( I imagine that would be my beloved blind readers ) Green Llama has recently been redesigned. I switched over to the Wordpress platform for a few reasons which I won’t go in to here - because no one cares. The point is, I know some [...]

While Llamas are great at things like being cute, cuddly, and military death machines, they are apparently not good at poetry.  They have recently been exposed as the culprits behind the bad, non-rhyming poets for Netflix and Blockbuster.  Stick with what you’re good at, guys.

Some hamsters are content to hang out in their cage. Maybe once in awhile they’re get on their wheel and go around and around and around and… well you get the picture. Not a whole lot of excitement for the average hamser. Enter Mike the Hamster - daredevil, King among hamsters. [...]

While the Irish have fears of another potato famine, the folks in Thailand are in the midst of a more epic problem - a yellow shirt shortage. An upcoming celebration for King Thailand ( I dont know what his name is ) is the cause - apparently yellow is what you wear to the [...]

This time around it’s a Per Second Podcast. Basically you ( or your company, or your dog ) pay for as few or as many seconds in the podcast as you want. They’re yours forever, much like the million dollar homepage we’re all very familiar with. I’ll freely admit that I simply [...]

A 5′1″ 50 year old man convicted of doing all kinds of gross stuff to a 12 year old girl is apparently too short to go to jail.  The judge decided that he’d have too hard of a time in PITA jail, so she only gave him probation.  Hmm…. child molester….. convicted by the jury…. [...]

That’s the question of the day. I ask all of you - why do you blog? I don’t have any really good reason to have even one, let alone several, blogs. Yet I continue to post as regularly as time allows me.
I have a full time job that pays well. I [...]

Soon I’ll be able to actually purchase my dream car - for a cool $43,000.  You’ll need to find a spare 5 g’s if you’re looking for the droptop.  Me, I think I’ll stick with the coupe.  I don’t need everything flying around in the wind while I’m trying my best to keep the rear [...]

And I quote  - ‘Frances J. Sepulveda, 30, and Bryant J. Wilburn, 29, said they had sex in the classroom during school hours on “one or two occasions,” according to an investigation by the Hillsborough County school district.’
Didn’t they know where the teachers lounge is?  We all know there are all-day orgies in there.  Come [...]

He wasn’t a real doctor??  You don’t say!?!  So a 76 year old guy shows up at your front door and you decide it’s a good decision to let him play with your boobs?  Sadly, two women were stupid enough to believe this guy, and are considered by police to be “victims”.  I think we [...]

A 28 year old woman decided it was a good decision to ride around on one of those motorized carts with her pants around her ankles. Oh, and no underwear.
Full story.

Austin high school art teacher Tamara Hoover recently posted topless pictures of herself on her myspace profile. Too bad her students don’t live under rocks, and do in fact have access to the internet. Full Story.

47 sandwiches in 10 minutes.  Knowing what grilled cheese does to my digestive system, i’d have to attempt to break this record while sitting on the toilet.  Congratulations to Joey Chestnut from California - you painfully engorged yourself for no money.  I’m sure your mother is proud.
Full Story.

When thinking of places to stash your huge quantity of cocaine, feel free to check “vagina” off your list. Apparently the vagina does a fantastic job of absorbing cocaine very quickly. Go figure.
Full Story

The Chinese aren’t so different from the Americans after all. Apparently the sight of breasts horrifies both of us equally. What a shame.
Full story

This guy was trying to convince his girlfriend to start taking risks, namely, that it was time to get married.  To prove his point, he decided to run around the neighborhood naked.  Which would have been fine, if not for the crazy with the gun.  Moral of the story?  Running around naked gets you shot [...]

Basically Imbee is a myspace-clone, but with restrictions. Users can send messages and chat for free, but are charged $3.95/mo to have a blog. A credit card is required for registration though, which Imbee says will allow them to gather information that Myspace cannot. In that way, parents are aware of [...]

Big deal you say?  She was hiding it in her vagina.  Lidia Alvarado from El Savador was going to jail to visit a few friends, and apparently wanted to bring them a gift.  Full story.

I won’t get into the validity of our mission in Iraq here, as it doesn’t really matter. No matter whether we are right or wrong for being in Iraq, we as a civilized nation, and as civilized people, would never do anything like what the Iraqis do. No matter what your cause, beheading [...]

From the WSJ regarding some YouTube videos that Bill Gates watched:
“Gates: Stolen’s a strong word. It’s copyrighted content that the owner wasn’t paid for. So yes.”
When does he get his official eye patch, wooden leg, and hook arm? Arrrrrrr…..
Full Story.

Worker: Hmm what’s this switch do? Supervisor: No don’t push that! Worker: Oooh pretty *flips switch*
Plant shuts down immediately, requires two weeks of repairs. Total cost? $11 million in lost contracts. Hmm… worker makes $8/hr, owes company $11 million. Heck, he’ll be able to pay it back in just under [...]

From the story - ‘The protest, titled “Rather Nude than Nuke,” is set to take place Monday at Funlung beach in northern Keelung county where the plant is under construction.’
One one hand, chill out!  It’s a nuclear power station, in a non-terrorist country.  On the other hand, people getting naked for no reason is always [...]

Which wouldn’t necessarily be news, except for the fact that he weighed over 1200 lbs to begin with. He is now excited that he has the energy to sit up, and move the sheet on his body. I’m impressed. 770 more lbs to go and he’ll be happy - how hard can [...]

And I thought screwing for money was against the law. What do I know?
Here’s my question - If I filled out my tax return, and put “Pimp” as my occupation, would I go to jail for being a pimp? Or would the government merely be happy that I paid my taxes?
Full story.

Former Judge Donald D. Thompson of Oklahoma- on trial for use of a penis pump during trial.  I don’t know what’s worse about this.  The fact that the whole world knows his shlong is the size of a combo snack, or that he was actually using it at the bench, during trials.  Not much I [...]

Going through her mail one day, an unnamed Corpus Christi woman found a surprise between her stack of bills and junk mail - her ex-boyfriend’s severed finger and a perfectly sane message “This is my last chance to touch you.”  For reasons I cannot comprehend, she’s trying to get a protective order from this obvious [...]