For years I’ve been saying that underwear makers have gotten it all wrong in their marketing efforts. Browse a women’s underwear department and you’ll see pictures of women wearing the item in general - bras, panties, corsets, whatever. The idea is that the woman will see how pretty it will look on [...]
I’m not often left speechless when stumbling across random things on the internet. There’s all kinda of cool stuff out there, and a million times more weird stuff. But sometimes I’ll see something that just leaves me without much to say. This is one of those things. I’ll quote, since I don’t really know [...]
Ok, so you you’ve decided to steal an ATM machine. Whatever choices in your life led you to make this decision aren’t important - you’ve made the decision. So you’ve got a pickup truck, chain, and a good buddy who also wants some cash. Everything looks to be in place, so you [...]
Remember February’s Mac Chick of the month - Teemaree? Well those quirky Mac lovers over at Macenstein are at it again, with March’s Mac Chick of the Month. This lady here goes by DeBranne, and like Teemaree, enjoys using her Mac while wearing as little clothing as possible. She also shares [...]
Rebekah M. Todd, a 25 year old former Buckley health and phys ed teacher, will be spending the next six months holed up in jail. See, Ms. Todd somehow had trouble attracting mates that were of legal age. That’s especially strange when you consider that she’s pretty easy on the eyes, as [...]
Sometimes there’s no need for words. And why don’t we have busses like that here in the states?
Source.
Mrs. World is a beauty competition for married women only - singles need not apply. For Mrs. World 2007, the winner of Mrs. America took home the gold. Dianne Tucker, Mrs. American 2007, is from Arizona - and took home top honors for the Mrs World pageant held in southern Russia.
In keeping [...]
Baltimore has officially banned smoking in bars - so we can say that their biggest problem is solved. Yes, the Murder Capital of America has banned smoking inside of bars - Wooha!
Nevermind the ridiculously high murder rate ( especially horrible considering the small size of the city ), rape, armed robbery, and various violent [...]
Always have papers or a file in your hand as you walk. Always
Walk with your head down, staring at said papers. If you’re too busy to put down your papers while you’re walking, you must be very busy.
If you cannot find papers and you must walk, hold your cell phone up to your ear and [...]
I was putzing around on Technorati this afternoon, when I took notice of the top searches, as I do every now and again. Number 10 on the list is a lady named Tammy Nyp. Now usually the top searches are people or things that I’m familiar with, but I hadn’t the slightest idea [...]
If you’re the kind of woman who likes to listen to her iPod, but somehow feels unfulfilled while doing so, then the OhMiBod iPod vibrator may be just the thing you’re looking for. The OhmiBod hooks up to your iPod through the audio jack, and vibrates and pulses to the beat of [...]
I always knew Mac lovers were obsessive, but I had no idea that it went so far. Apparently there’s even a Mac Chick of the Month. Meet Teemaree, the girl with the world’s stupidest name. But hey, she loves Macs, or at least poses in pictures with them while being scantily [...]
When you think of girls that are going to school for engineering - you probably don’t picture them as particularly attractive. In fact, you’re probably thinking about the mousy girl who has her nose stuck in a book all the time; the girl who isn’t much to look at.
Well, the girls at the [...]
I guess, on principle, this picture should be upsetting. It should make me angry. It is very sexist after all.
But, after careful consideration, I have decided that I’m not offended. In fact, I think we should make all restaurants work this way too. Women with no shirts get free food!
Hell [...]
I just read an article called How to Avoid Accidental Overtipping, at 2 Pennies Earned. The gist of the article is that you should tip based on the subtotal, and not the after-tax total. You may be tipping $1-$2 too much ( !! ) every time you eat out.
If you’re obsessing over $1 [...]
In most of the country, Starbucks is as good as it gets for coffee. Sure, the coffee is good, and you have lots of choices. But the service is clearly lacking; usually the stores are staffed by high- school teenagers who are more often than not on some sort of
chemically induced high. [...]
If they just made pizza a fruit.
In Tempe, Arizona ( never heard of it ) lies the wondrous place that’s called The Heart Attack Grill. Now, the best way to describe the Heart Attack Grill is ‘Hooters on steroids’. If you’ve never heard of Hooters, then that probably means nothing to you. But for everyone who [...]
All across the country, women are having surgery on their breasts. But it’s not what you think - they’re not going up a cup size. Instead, they’re going up a nipple size.
Say what?
Lots of women are going after that ‘always cold’ look , so their nipples are always hard. One of [...]
When a man suspects his wife is cheating. Link.
Julia Ozirski Lund, a language teacher at Chaska High School in Chaska, Minnesota, is in a heap of trouble. See, Ms. Lund seemed to have a bit of trouble keeping her hands off one of her 17 year old students, or at least that’s how the accusations go. After watching the student from [...]
Shopping sucks. I just wanted to make that clear to everyone, in case it already wasn’t. Going to the mall is stupid, it takes an hour to get on the parking lot, another hour to find a spot, and then half an hour to walk from the spot you found to the actual mall. Then [...]
Yup, Mike Tyson has moved on from his career as a professional heavyweight boxer, and is ready to move on. Not to a respectable profession though - but you didn’t really expect that did you? Nope, Mikey’s gonna be a manwhore male prostitute. He’ll be working for Heidi Fleiss ( female pimp? ) and she [...]
I’m sure many of you have already seen it, but I like this picture enough to put it up here anyway. All over the Internet, especially whenever talks of the Detroit automakers comes up, you see concerns about global warming. Global warming this, global warming that. Everyone says how terrible it [...]
An Australian company has a new answer for men who are *ahem* smaller than they might like. Usually, the victim purchases a Dodge Ram or a Hummer H2. Purchasing either of these vehicles is guaranteed to add several inches. Fortunately, the WonderJock, as it is called, can save men all across the [...]
A store called Filene’s has this sale every now and again, where they discount dresses from up to 10k to as low as $699. Every time they have the sale, hundreds and hundreds of women line up hours before the store opens, so they can try to find the perfect dress at a [...]
Hundreds of hot moms, or MILF’s in today’s lingo, lined up in southern Florida this weekend to take a stab at becoming the Hottest Mom in America. The prize? $25,000 for the lucky mom, and a $25,000 scholarship for her child.
Different moms took different routes to try to win the judge’s attention. [...]
Google Trends is an amazing tool - and it helps you discover things that you may never have figured out otherwise. In the spirit of Steve Rubel’s post a few months back, here’s my list of 16 things Google Trends has taught me. Some are just proving what we already thought, and some [...]
There have been rumors for months that GM would merge with someone - both Toyota and more recently Nissan have been listed as possibilities. The latest rumor involved none other than their biggest and oldest crosstown rival - Ford Motor Co. Will Ford and GM make a good match for a super-automaker? [...]
Wonderbra releases a wonderbra for your butt - the Wonderbot. Flat booty white girls everywhere rejoice. Link.
A British hospital now offers burqa style hospital gowns for female Muslim patients, since their religion requires them to be covered from head to toe. Funny, my religion requires me not to have my ass hanging out when I’m in the hospital, but no one cared when I complained. Link.
Serena Weston, a 30 year old lesbian former gym teacher at Hilcrest school is in a bit of trouble. Ms. Weston is accused of fondling a 14 year old student of hers, on 3 separate occasions. She is also accused of persuading the student to touch her in an intimate way. [...]
Remember Bikini wedding dresses? In Russia, some women have made a slightly different choice for the most important day of their lives. Introducing : Lingerie wedding dresses. Yep, That’s bra and panties, just to clarify. They are adorned with flowers, lace, and a veil to be fair, but they are [...]
Austrailian brothels are getting creative these days. Now, when you visit one of their lovely ladies, not only do you get the services advertised, and possibly a side helping of syphilis, you also get a discount on your gas bill. Simply fill up before visiting, present your receipt, and receive a credit of $0.20 per [...]
Oh my, where to begin? Let’s try a list of the reasons :
Their mayor, Ray Nagin. A recent quote of his - “You guys in New York can’t get a hole in the ground fixed and it’s five years later. So let’s be fair.” Very tactful indeed, Mr. Nagin. That will [...]
Wayne Weston, former park and recreation director for Mecklenburg County in Charlotte, N.C. had it great. He was making $134k a year and having the time of his life. Except for one little problem. See, Wayne had a bad habit of forwarding sexually explicit and racist emails to his co-workers. Apparently [...]
Natalina D’ Addario, former substitute teacher in Melbourne, is yet another female teacher to get caught on her knees. Three times last year, the 37 year old Natalina D’ Addario performed oral sex on an unnamed 15 year old male student. Her great idea for the scene of the crime? [...]
How do you explain that one to the kids? That the police had to rescue you from the vat of chocolate that you fell into? Ugh. Link.
I was at Chile’s the other day with my wife, waiting for our carryout order. In walked in 2 rejects from the Desperate Housewives. I’m pretty sure one of them was Eva Longoria’s older sister. Don’t get me wrong - these ladies weren’t ugly, but there comes a time [...]
Sometimes people search for some really off the wall stuff, and they end up here at the Green Llama. I’ve decided to highlight the strangest of the strange, and answer their questions directly.
can llamas spit blind you?
This is an issue that we should not take lightly. It is widely known that llamas will [...]
As a followup to my Top 10 Searches that led to this site, I present the strangest of the bunch. Theres some wierd crap in here, so be warned.
“When llamas Attack” – 5 searches. Are we that fearful of the majestic llamas?
“Green Pussies” – Two people searched for this. I don’t want [...]
Everybody’s got to be good at something, right? Link.
Sin City’s most honorable citizens, and best role models - prostitutes and strippers, feel they aren’t respected enough. Women who rub their breasts in the faces of slobbering, drunk men for a living want more respect. And I’m not even going to address the hookers. Link.
I recently added another phone / line to my Sprint PCS account. They had a pretty good promotion going on, and I got a nice phone for free - good deal, right? Well, not so much. Within minutes of activating the phone, I kept getting SMS spam - people were sending me [...]
Oh boy. Where do I begin. So this Muslim guy walks into a butcher shop, right? He goes behind the counter and cuts off his hand with an electric meat cutter, then walks around showing to people and saying - “I did this for Allah.” Remind me why I’m not Muslim again? Link.
What? No one cares? Let’s see… Sri Lanka is the size of my ass, they have no oil or other useful resources, and they’ve never made any meaningful contributions to the world that I know of. Who gives a crap? Link.
What more can I say, really? For some reason, this man’s life was spared… what a waste. Link.
A San Antonio strip club is planning a sort of field trip for all the strippers. They’ll all go tubing down the Guadalupe River, where men can join them for $25. The catch? They won’t be topless.
“We’re not hookers, dope dealers or Mafia thugs,” Trey Maddox, manager of the Palace Men’s Club, said- noting that [...]
Flying, thrown out a second story window, whatever. A quote from the article -
” “The dog had a soft landing because it fell on a man,” said police spokesman Grzegorz Wierzbicki.”
I can’t make this up, really. Full story.
Lance Bass is the first to publicly came clean -Are the rest soon to follow? Of course, looking at his picture, is this really a surprise to any of us? Really, people. It’s like this guy walks around with a huge, neon sign on his head that reads “I LIKE MEN!!”
A policewoman in New Zealand spent some time recently at apart time job. not uncommon for officers. Of course, this was no ordinary job, or you wouldn’t be reading about it her. See, this cop worked nights as a hooker. Being a prostitute is legal in New Zealand, but just doesn’t fit nth the police [...]
How lazy have we as a people really become? Mobo is a service that allows you to send a text message to order food from your favorite restaurant. Actually, now that I think of it, is sending an SMS really easier than calling? You have to pick up the phone litho way, right?Hey, at least [...]
There are some things that are so bizarre, you don’t know what to say when you see them.The Fish n’ Flush is one of those things. Imagine walking into a bathroom to do your business, and being greeted by a bowl full of fish. Ya, fish! Don’t worry, they’re in a separate tank, so they [...]
we’ll file this one under “What the heck were they thinking?” while us regular folk, were working, paying the bills, and taking care of our kids, some people were building some crazy stuff out of Legos. Though I do have to admit, the CD shooter is pretty neat.
Apparently homeless people not so good at the math. If I find $21,000 in a trashcan and decide to “do the right thing” and return it, I want a lot more than a hundred freaking dollars. Full story.
Poor kid. If this happened in Texas, he would have gotten his license. Only funny if you live in, or have ever braved the streets of the Lone Star State.
Yes, that Coors. Peter Coors of Molson Coors Brewing Co. Irony is sweet, no?
This has got to be one of the dumbest things I’ve heard of in awhile. Is the airline industry really that desperate for cash? Really?? If I’m on a plane that’s acting like a roller coaster, and I feel the need to reach for the barf bag, the last thing on my mind is checking [...]
There’s a contest for the most attractive female inmate at Des Moines’ Polk County Jail. Really. You get your choice of heroin addicts, or straight-up crack whores. Ooh looks like heroin chick has a little herpes or something going on there. Sexy. Cast your votes! Link.
I guess them dogs in Utah is smarter than them dogs in Texas. Here, we’re content if our dogs can fetch a ball, and pee in the grass. In Utah, they train them to drive pickemup trucks and run over women.
Full story.
Is your wedding day approaching quickly, and you still haven’t picked out your dress? Fear not, as long as you’re having a beach wedding. Wearing a white bikini at your wedding is all the rage these days.
And I quote - ‘White is the most traditional color for wedding attire, and we suggest you consider it [...]
I’ve been thinking this about soccer for my entire life, but never posted about it until I found out I’m not alone. I stopped watching baseball years ago because I thought it was boring - but at least they make progress in baseball. You can sit there and watch a 2 hour ( [...]
Seth Godin has a great post on sales - and why it’s hard. Number 1 hits home in a major way - and I quote -
1. Selling is hard. Harder than you may ever realize. So, if I seem stressed, cut me some slack.
If you’ve never sold in your life, you should. If for [...]
Fateh Mohammad, a Pakistani man jailed for making moonshine, recently had to undergo surgery. No big deal you say? Well you might think differently if you knew why he was having surgery. See, Fateh, unbeknowst to himself, had a LIGHTBULB lodged in that most delicate of spots, his butt. Fateh says he woke up one [...]
Here’s your dose of random crap for the day. There not really too much one can say about this one. The Fat Cyclist wrote an entire post about farting while riding a bike, and how wonderful it is. Really - check it out - “As the pressure grew, my stomach started bloating,” Rick says. “It [...]
Going through her mail one day, an unnamed Corpus Christi woman found a surprise between her stack of bills and junk mail - her ex-boyfriend’s severed finger and a perfectly sane message “This is my last chance to touch you.” For reasons I cannot comprehend, she’s trying to get a protective order from this obvious [...]
Former Judge Donald D. Thompson of Oklahoma- on trial for use of a penis pump during trial. I don’t know what’s worse about this. The fact that the whole world knows his shlong is the size of a combo snack, or that he was actually using it at the bench, during trials. Not much I [...]
And I thought screwing for money was against the law. What do I know?
Here’s my question - If I filled out my tax return, and put “Pimp” as my occupation, would I go to jail for being a pimp? Or would the government merely be happy that I paid my taxes?
Full story.
Which wouldn’t necessarily be news, except for the fact that he weighed over 1200 lbs to begin with. He is now excited that he has the energy to sit up, and move the sheet on his body. I’m impressed. 770 more lbs to go and he’ll be happy - how hard can [...]
From the story - ‘The protest, titled “Rather Nude than Nuke,” is set to take place Monday at Funlung beach in northern Keelung county where the plant is under construction.’
One one hand, chill out! It’s a nuclear power station, in a non-terrorist country. On the other hand, people getting naked for no reason is always [...]
Worker: Hmm what’s this switch do? Supervisor: No don’t push that! Worker: Oooh pretty *flips switch*
Plant shuts down immediately, requires two weeks of repairs. Total cost? $11 million in lost contracts. Hmm… worker makes $8/hr, owes company $11 million. Heck, he’ll be able to pay it back in just under [...]
Big deal you say? She was hiding it in her vagina. Lidia Alvarado from El Savador was going to jail to visit a few friends, and apparently wanted to bring them a gift. Full story.
When thinking of places to stash your huge quantity of cocaine, feel free to check “vagina” off your list. Apparently the vagina does a fantastic job of absorbing cocaine very quickly. Go figure.
Full Story
47 sandwiches in 10 minutes. Knowing what grilled cheese does to my digestive system, i’d have to attempt to break this record while sitting on the toilet. Congratulations to Joey Chestnut from California - you painfully engorged yourself for no money. I’m sure your mother is proud.
Full Story.
He wasn’t a real doctor?? You don’t say!?! So a 76 year old guy shows up at your front door and you decide it’s a good decision to let him play with your boobs? Sadly, two women were stupid enough to believe this guy, and are considered by police to be “victims”. I think we [...]
And I quote - ‘Frances J. Sepulveda, 30, and Bryant J. Wilburn, 29, said they had sex in the classroom during school hours on “one or two occasions,” according to an investigation by the Hillsborough County school district.’
Didn’t they know where the teachers lounge is? We all know there are all-day orgies in there. Come [...]
That’s the question of the day. I ask all of you - why do you blog? I don’t have any really good reason to have even one, let alone several, blogs. Yet I continue to post as regularly as time allows me.
I have a full time job that pays well. I [...]
While the Irish have fears of another potato famine, the folks in Thailand are in the midst of a more epic problem - a yellow shirt shortage. An upcoming celebration for King Thailand ( I dont know what his name is ) is the cause - apparently yellow is what you wear to the [...]
Some hamsters are content to hang out in their cage. Maybe once in awhile they’re get on their wheel and go around and around and around and… well you get the picture. Not a whole lot of excitement for the average hamser. Enter Mike the Hamster - daredevil, King among hamsters. [...]
A property manager walked into one of his homes recently, on the tip of a neighbor, and was met at the front door. Not by the tenant, mind you, but by 70,000 Coors Light beer cans - That’s one 24 pack every day, for 8 years. The guy who lived there even [...]
A guy over in the UK offers a high roller car wash. A good, intensive detail usually runs anywhere from $100-$200 around these parts. So what do you think this guy charges - double? Triple? Try $9,000 American dollars. None of those funny Canadian dollars here. Cuz $9,000 [...]
Gapingvoid.com has such a positive outlook on blogging for dollars. Maybe I should try it? I could use the money.
